How do you become coachable?

by | Jan 26, 2024 | 0 comments

Take these three steps to become more coachable, to make the most of your investment, and to use your coach to turn up the flame of your growth.

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Coaching is not a done-for-you service. Really, it’s the opposite. It’s a space where you get to experiment with new thought forms, beliefs, and actions. And, yes, it’s a space for you to accelerate your growth from the inside out and begin to take inspired action. In order to gain the most from being coached, you’ve got to be coachable. That is, open to blunt reflections that highlight your patterns and limiting beliefs. Being coachable also requires you to show up willingly to get uncomfortable. Why? Well, have you seen a successful person living their best life INSIDE their comfort zone? I haven’t.

become coachable

Why being coachable matters

In brief, being coachable is the difference between walking the walk and living in would-be-nice land forever. When a client signs up to work with me, I expect of them an unwavering commitment to themselves and their growth: Coaching then becomes a space where one’s highest potential can be realized in easeful ways. While the financial investment is, in fact, a significant show of being committed to your growth and goals, it goes deeper. In our first paid session, I ask my new clients this question:

“How are you going to show up for this coaching contract?”

Being on time and in a quiet space for calls is the bare minimum. Meanwhile, the core of this question explores in which manner the client is going to be self-accountable. See, while a coach won’t be your accountability partner, they will offer you a way to relate to yourself as a priority. If, and only if, you show up for yourself.

In exploring this question, I ask my clients for permission to highlight where they may be slipping into making excuses for themselves to avoid taking uncomfortable action. We also discuss what place their growth, and the introspection and action that go along with that have on their calendar. All this is to help the client become more coachable so that they can experience how sweet life feels when words become intentions, and when intentions become unwavering commitments.

So how do you become coachable? Over the years, I’ve worked with a number of coaches and have coached hundreds of individuals. I’ve found that the following three things must be present inside yourself if you want your coaching investment to yield the highest possible emotional, social, romantic, and financial, return of investment.

Do you really want it? Whatever ‘it’ may be.

Nobody can want your transformation more than you do. Your coach can’t desire your dream more than you do. And nobody can want to reach your goal for you, more than you do.

This is why a coach will likely spend significant time helping you understand why your dream is so important to you and connect your actions to your WHY. Ultimately, however, only you can determine if you want what you want strongly enough, and why. Getting clear on your why, therefore, ideally shows up in two areas of your life: Your inner world, and your outer world.

Internally, you want to connect your goal to an innate desire: Visualize, what life will feel, look, smell, and taste like once you’ve reached that goal. What will you be able to stop doing? Who will you be able to help now? What becomes possible? And what part of you will relish in this new reality?

Externally, you want to make space for your dream to come true in your calendar. See, pursuing a dream requires certain sacrifices, both in the immediate and in the future. What needs to give (on your calendar, in your habits) to create room for your dream? This is your moment to get honest: Are you truly “too busy” to land that first client or are you using your calendar as an excuse? (hint: nobody is too busy to pursue their dreams)

If you don’t want it hard enough and enroll a coach anyway, your money serves not your transformation and growth, but your procrastination and (un?)intentional mental outsourcing: “Once I hire a coach, I will be successful”.

UNLESS….you commit to #2:

Are you being open to a new, potentially challenging, perspective that is intended to serve your growth and transformation?

If I go a month without a client cussing me out with their look (or words), I stop and wonder how I can show up more powerfully for my clients in the next month. I’ve had clients tell me: “I hate you right now, Dina,” only to send me a note of appreciation the next day. One client once screamed in agony on my couch as they were opening themselves up to a huge revelation – one that would entirely change their relationships.

Coaching is not comfortable. A powerful coach will challenge your beliefs. They will offer a different perspective, call your bullshit, and offer observations of the patterns that are holding you back.

AND, that’s about all the coach can do for you: Holding for possibility. Allowing a shift in perspective. Offering observations. Asking insightful questions.

Being coachable, aka being open to shifting your perspective, is what will help these offerings land in transformative ways. If you’re truly wanting to grow, you’re required to then engage in the challenge, allow the message to land, and sit with the new information. Being coachable, here, might look like:
“I hadn’t thought of it this way. Let me sit with this.”

“This sucks to hear, but you might be right. Can you elaborate?”

“Mh, this triggers some emotions. Can you help me understand them?”

Ultimately, you’re the only one who is able to implement your insights after the coaching session. You could choose to project your triggers onto your coach, blaming them for your discomfort. Or, if you choose to lean into being coachable, you could spend that same energy getting curious about your thoughts and feelings. It’s your choice to receive the blessings discomfort can offer or to reject them. If you choose not to, a coach can continuously hold you to it. But I can’t lead a horse to water.

Which brings me to my third and final point:

Are you willing to do the work?

When it comes to inner and outer growth, nobody can do it for you. Whereas a graphic designer may ask you lots of questions and turn your answers into a tailor-made brand guide for you, a coach will ask you lots of questions and guide YOU to do the work yourself. A coach is capable of invoking an insight from a question that only YOU can put to use and create newness and transformation with. For your life. For your business. Tailor-made. Are you willing to do the work?

Enrolling into coaching is a HUGE step – one where you’re opening yourself up to some deep work and to a host of tough questions that nobody else will dare to ask you. And, all of the work, all of the introspection will go nowhere unless you’re following through:

Are you actually having that conversation with your boss about a raise?

Will you truly commit to getting uncomfortable and taking daily action towards building your business?

Are you going to courageously follow through with the breakup?

Will you finally set boundaries with your mother?

I have an agreement with my clients: “We can neither deny fear nor use it as an excuse for inaction.” When you work with me, we’ll engage your fear in action so that the impossible becomes possible.

Final thoughts

To be or not to be…become coachable? This is the question only you can answer. If you’ve made it this far, I want to congratulate you. Clearly, you’re willing to engage with yourself in an introspective and honest manner. Whether you already work with a coach or are considering hiring one, you’re already ahead of the curve. I’d love to hear from you in the comments, which one of the above three steps made your cringe a little? If it feels too vulnerable to share this publicly, you’re aways welcome to email me at dina@wayofthefounder.com.

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